. :Can I be completely honest: .

Lately, my heart has been hurting and aching in ways that I never knew were possible. Similar, I assume, to the way it feels to lose a loved one. Except they haven't passed away, just left your life. 

It's hard.

It's consuming.

And ultimately it sucks.

The other day I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw a picture that someone posted of a verse. I have no idea what version of the Bible this verse is from, and I don't recall ever reading it before. But when I saw it I knew it was a little sign from God.

The verse was Deuteronomy 31:6 which reads,

- Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He won't let you down. He won't leave you. - 

He won't leave me.

He won't leave me.

He won't leave me.

Those words resonated in my mind all day. And I just repeated it over and over and over again in my head, and out loud too.

Through all this heartbreak and hurt I am unbelievably glad and thankful that I can rest in knowing that God is a constant. When people walk out of your life for seemingly no good reason, God is still there.

I know this post may seem a little pitiful and pathetic but I am not posting it for pity.

I am posting it because I know that I am not the only one out there hurting tonight for one reason or another. Maybe someone left you, maybe you're fighting with a friend, maybe life just isn't going too great right now. Just remember. He won't let you down. And he won't leave you.

Run to Him. His arms are always opened.

-Be blessed.

-Growth-

**This post gets pretty personal, so bear with me as I share my thoughts :)

2015 is well underway, and I just wanted to share with you a little about how I feel going into this new year, since I didn't share too much in my last post.

Last year was definitely full of trials and hardships. I dealt with a lot of heartbreak and hurt, which brought a lot of other negative things along with it. I know, and ultimately have learned, that it is in those time where God teaches us most. There came a time where I told myself that I can either take what I am feeling and run to God or I can sit in my puddle of self pity and wallow in sadness forever. Which ones sounds like the better option to you... ;) 

In 2015, I don't want to let my emotions get the better of me. God has called me to greater things, than to just be sad about things that I ultimately cannot control. Which is another thing I am leaving in 2014. I think I can speak for several ladies out there when I say that sometimes it is hard to feel like you aren't in control. But you aren't. I've learned that it's better to have God at the steering wheel than myself. Otherwise I am headed in the wrong direction. Trusting His plan and His will in my life has been a struggle, but it is so rewarding to see how He blesses me and to see all the incredible places he takes me.

In 2015, I'm letting go of fear. Fear along with worry, stress, and anxiety tend to creep up on us, and then eat us alive. But something that I learned/realized in 2014 is that you have one precious life, and worrying it away isn't going to do ya any good in the end. Life is stressful, and can be scary at times, but it is in those scary moments when we have to turn to God and just surrender that fear and stress and trust in him. And the more we trust in him, the less scary everything seems.

In 2015, I want to go on more adventures. Yes, I have my whole life ahead of me. But you're only 19(almost 20) once. I did a lot of sitting in my apartment and watching Netflix last semester and no more of that! I don't want to be that boring mom one day telling her kids the most boring 'When I was your age' stories. No! Like I said, I have one precious life, and a whole world to discover. Even if it is just a coffee shop down the street, a book store I've never been to, or a new restaurant.. this year is about getting out of my room and breaking out of my introverted shell and making memories with the ones that I love.

In 2015, I'm going to disconnect a little. Or a lot. I am one of those people who is guilty of sitting on my computer or scrolling through instagram on my phone feeling jealous that I am not as pretty or as fit or as adventurous or have as much money to buy expensive clothes as this person and/or that person. No more. I am who I am and God created me for a purpose. And that purpose is not to sit in envy over others lives and looks. I love instagram, I love sharing photos of fun things I've done or made or just a selfie every now and then, but it's time I stop letting it have such an effect on me. I think sometime in this day and age we forget that it's okay to have a good time even if no one knows or sees what we did or where we went or who we were with. 

In 2015, I am going to spend more time in the Word. This is something I feel a lot of people feel ashamed to admit. But here I am, admitting that I tend to forget or sadly.. just don't feel like.. reading my Bible sometimes and doing devotions. But in all honesty, it takes a huge toll on us, or it does me, when I don't take that time each day to spend in the Word or in prayer. It can be challenging with school, work, and various things all begging for our attention day in and day out. But I want to challenge you, as I am myself, to find time to do it. Whether it's tens minutes in between class, on our lunch break, or when we just find a free moment in our day. Open up your Bible and give God the time he deserves. 

In 2015, I am going to live out my calling. As I mentioned before this past year was a hard one for me, and I found myself losing sight of the things God has called me to and the passions that He put in my heart. But I say no more! He has called me to GREATER THINGS!

In 2015, I am going to remember Gods love for me. 2014 brought a lot of heartbreak, like I had mentioned, and in this new year I am going to remember who loves me unconditionally no matter what, and who will never stop loving me. And that's God. And I am so thankful for this truth to live by and to remember everyday. 

Thank you for letting me share my heart with you a little, and thank you for reading. I hope and I pray that you set some goals for yourself this year and find somethings in your life that you can give the boot in this new year. Be blessed.